What is Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT?

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Hello! And welcome to our blog.

For the month of May, we are going to be talking about different modalities, or types or therapy. Today Dr. Melissa Estavillo talks about EFT or Emotionally Focused Therapy. EFT is a modality that our therapists use often here at Biltmore Psychology and Counseling for Couples counseling.

Click on the video to learn about how this could help you and your relationships! Have a question you’d like answered in a future video? Tell us in the comments section on youtube!

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What Kind of Therapy Do We Specialize In?

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At Biltmore Psychology and Counseling we see clients based on a variety of needs. We see clients who are seeking therapy for anxiety, depression, grief, loss, trauma, PTSD, couples counseling, and much more.

When you’re looking for a therapist you might come across different types of modalities of therapy, like CBT, EFT or EMDR. Sometimes these names and acronyms can be confusing. So we thought we focus our theme for May on different modalities of therapy!

Commons Types of Modalities used in Therapy:


CBT, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a type of therapy used to help understand and change the thoughts and feelings that ultimately influence our behaviors. It can be used to help anxiety, depression, phobias, and addiction to name a few.


EFT, or Emotionally Focused Therapy is a type of therapy that is most commonly used in adult relationships and couples counseling. EFT is meant to identify patterns that might be influencing negative emotions/behaviors and work to develop more trust and a more secure bond.


EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and is a type of therapy used to treat clients who are having trouble overcoming traumatic events and memories. It can help heal from emotional distress associated with these memories and past events. There are many processes involved in EMDR therapy, and it has been widely seen as a great way to help people move on from distressing memories.

These are just a few types of therapy that we do here at Biltmore Psychology and Counseling. We tailor each session to what the individual or couple is going through. We take the time to develop a treatment plan and discuss the steps moving forward to successfully implement that plan.

Each therapy office is different. If you are interested in a certain type of therapy, feel free to call and ask more about what we specialize in! And keep your eye out for our new YouTube videos this month on different modalities.

Stress and Infertility

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Welcome to our blog and Youtube Channel! We are Biltmore Psychology and Counseling, a practice with Licensed Psychologists and Therapists here in Phoenix Arizona.

This month we are tackling the difficult subject of Infertility. We have a few other videos up that talk about the impact infertility can have on a relationship, and also what to do when you’re feeling like giving up. So make sure to check those out!

In our video today, we talk about what factor stress really has on infertility. Dr. Melissa Estavillo also gives some tips to help get you through this difficult time. Have a question or a theme you’d like us to focus on in the future? Be sure to email us at info@biltmorecounseling.com or leave your questions in the comments section on YouTube.

Sad African American Couple Sitting On A Couch Indoors Looking At A Pregnancy Test

Tips for Stress during Infertility

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If you’ve ever struggled with infertility, I’m sure you’ve heard, “Just relax and you’ll get pregnant!” or “You’re too stressed!”

While stress can certainly exacerbate the situation when suffering from infertility, there is no known research to say that stress can cause infertility.

We know this because women become pregnant even in the most stressful and emotional states, such as war, famine, rape, and even drug addiction. So to say to someone that stress is what’s impacting their infertility is usually not very helpful and can be met with frustration and anger.

What stress does do during these difficult times, is making the process of trying to conceive that much harder. It can influence a person’s behavior and emotional state. An individual or couple might engage in behaviors that might not be the healthiest way to cope with the stress, like drinking, smoking, negative self-talk, self-medicating, etc.

Some tips for reducing stress:

  1. Acknowledge your feelings: Know that you are not alone and that your feelings during this time are completely valid.
  2. Share your questions and fears: It is important to have people in your life during this time who are caring and empathetic to what you are going through. Whether it is your friends, family, spouse, or even a counselor, having someone who understands your fears and anger can be really helpful.
  3. Allow yourself to cry and be angry: Trying to act or think or feel a certain way, can be exhausting. It can lead to resentment and suppression of healthy emotions that are beneficial in coping.
  4. Allow yourself to grieve: Unresolved grief can eat away at someone’s emotional and physical wellbeing. You are allowed to grieve during the process of trying to conceive. And you are allowed to grieve for the child you have yet to conceive.
  5. Keep a journal: writing things down can be helpful during this time. It can help you understand why you’re feeling the way you are, and maybe reveal something you might be burying that needs to be addressed to move forward.
  6. Stay connected with family and friends: isolating yourself during this time can be appealing, but try to stay connected to your social circle for support. It is okay to remind them that you’d rather not talk about baby stuff right now, or you might even feel comfortable confiding in them about what you’re going through.
  7. Communicate with your partner: infertility can be really trying on a relationship. Each person is going through something individually, and you are both going through something together. Keeping the communication open and supportive can be key during this emotional time.
  8. Get informed: this is a time of uncertainty. And that in itself can cause a lot of anxiety, depression, worry, and stress. Getting as much information as possible about what is happening, and what to expect in the future can help with the uncertainty. Don’t be afraid to ask your doctor questions, or to seek out a professional during this time to help guide you through.

If you want some more tips on how to deal with stress during infertility, check out this article over on Parents.com , as well as this useful article, The Truth About Stress and Fertility on Psychology Today.

White male and female couple sitting on couch facing a white male in a suit

Infertility Counseling

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We are tackling the difficult topic of infertility this month, and realizing just how much of a toll it can take on an individual and a couple.

We all know of a couple or family going through these struggles, and we might even be going through these struggles ourselves. But one thing people generally don’t talk about when it comes to infertility is counseling. The stress, anxiety, depression, guilt, and anger are all things that are common when experiencing infertility. These can make it difficult to love yourself and your partner and be a strong support system during the utmost important time.

We encourage individuals and couples to seek counseling early on in their struggles. This way expectations and disappointments can be dealt with together with the help of a professional. You are likely juggling so many things from communicating with your spouse, a full-time job, social obligations with friends a family. All the while dealing with your own stress and anxiety when it comes to trying to conceive.

Having a counselor during this time can also be really beneficial in helping each person to be able to communicate what the process has been like for them. Since it is common for couples to experience the frustrations of infertility differently, a counselor can help give tools for better communication and help explain what has led each partner to experience what they are experiencing.

If you are in the Phoenix area and are interested in Infertility Counseling, please call us at 480-999-7070. If you are elsewhere we encourage you to find a counselor in your area. A great resource is Psychology Today, where you can filter your results and find a great counselor near you.

Infertility and Stress on a Relationship

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As you know, for the month of April we are tackling the difficult subject of infertility.

In today’s video, Dr. Melissa Estavillo talks about how infertility can impact a couple. Each couple is different, and the stress from infertility can manifest in each person differently.

Dr. Estavillo talks about how to accept the other’s grief, and how to stay strong together during this difficult time.