12 Quick Ways to Reconnect with Your Spouse

Happy couple lying in bed being silly.

Relationships can be tough. Especially in February when it seems like every store, ad, and commercial are getting ready for Valentines Day.

It is easy to start to feel distant or disconnected from your spouse over time. Relationships often have an ebb and flow, which can follow amazing times, and then times that aren’t so great. Marriages and relationships often take a lot of work and effort by both parties to make them worth while. Often times couples seek counseling from professional psychologists to help rekindle the fire in their relationship.

According to Jamie Long PsyD over on Psychology Today, there are 12 quick ways to connect to your spouse during the day.

12 “Thirty Second” Ways to Connect With Your Spouse

  1. Daily Touch
  2. Be curious
  3. Side with your partner
  4. Express gratitude
  5. Sleep Naked
  6. Relive a memory
  7. Create new memories
  8. Listen to him or her
  9. Share a laugh
  10. Expressions of loving-kindness
  11. Flirt
  12. Turn off the electronics

Daily Touch:

Humans need physical touch to remind themselves, and to show others that they are loved. Make a point to kiss your spouse hello or goodbye. Make sure you give them a hug, or hold their hand for a brief moment. Any kind of loving physical touch, can be a great way to show your spouse you care and connect with them in a few seconds.

Be Curious:

Sometimes the conversations you have with your spouse can become mundane and routine. Switch it up. Ask more thought provoking and curious questions about their day, or about something they have coming up. Showing interest in each others lives is another way to connect.

Side With Your Partner:

Has your spouse had a bad day at work? Did someone cut them off in traffic, or did they get in fight with a friend? When your spouse is venting to you, take their side. Comfort them, and make them feel like you care. Even if you don’t agree with your spouse, and actually side with the other person, this can lead to arguments and tension after a long day at work. Instead, tell them you understand why they’re upset and let it go.

Express Gratitude:

It takes a multitude of people to run an organized household. You have bills to pay, chores to do, and many deadlines to meet in your personal life. Chances are, you and your spouse take over different areas of your lives together. Make sure you show and tell them how grateful you are that they have taken care of the laundry that week, or that they ran to the grocery store before you got home.

Sleep Naked:

According to Jamie Long of Psychology today, couples who sleep naked have reported a higher satisfaction in their sex life. So take a break from those pj’s, and try sleeping sans clothes tonight with your partner.

Relive a Memory:

Reminiscing is something that humans do very well. It’s easy to start to feel connected to someone again when you start to remember and create a dialogue of a memory you share. Try talking about a trip you took, look at some old photos, or remember a story that you shared that was particularly memorable.

Create New Memories:

One thing that can be sure to affect your relationship and make you feel disconnected is boredom. When you’re with someone a long time, it is easy for the routine of your lives to become a littler boring. Try stepping outside the box of your routine. Take a class together, try a new restaurant. Read a book together, or plan an exiting trip.

Listen to Him or Her:

Take a moment to listen to your spouse when they are speaking. Especially if they are feeling frustrated or upset about something. It’s easy to dismiss them and the conversation because you think you “know” your spouse so well. Try taking a step back and really listening to what they’re saying.

Share a Laugh:

Laughing is some of the best medicine for a relationship. Take some time to relive a funny memory. Go to a comedy show, or what a funny movie. When you can laugh together, it is easy to fill some of the gap of distance.

Expressing Loving-Kindness:

Expressing yourself in a loving way is sure to be noticed by your spouse and appreciated. It’s easy to focus on the negative and start to pick at things that annoy you about your spouse. Instead, speak to them in a kind way, with a positive, affirming sentence. Expressing yourself in a positive and loving way is a great thing to practice when it comes to your relationships.


Flirt with each other! A great way to keep that spice and joy alive in your relationship is to keep the flirting going through your entire relationship.

Turn off the Electronics:

We are in a day in age that technology rules our lives. We are constantly in front of computer screens, staring at our phones, or watching TV. Take a break from these to connect with your spouse. Make a no phone rule at the dinner table. Take a night where you plan an activity and don’t turn on the TV.