Marriage Counseling
in Scottsdale, AZ

Marriage counseling is often better called relationship counseling as it is for couples in any status of relationship (dating, engaged, married, divorced). Some couples may set their goal to mend their relationship and work to stay together, some are seeking guidance to decide what direction their relationship needs to go, and others are looking to end their relationship well.

A marriage counselor’s job is not to decide if a couple should stay together or separate, but is to help the couple discover this for themselves and have the ability to accomplish this goal with great love and care.

For the first session, the couple usually meets with their therapist together to discuss the history of their distress, unsuccessful attempts to heal, and the goals for therapy. The therapist will provide feedback on the strengths that he or she sees in the couple and will propose a treatment plan.

In the following sessions, the therapist will likely meet with each person individually to gather a more in-depth personal history. Marriage counselors will usually state there are no secrets in couples counseling. Any information shared in an individual session cannot be kept secret from the other partner.

At the end of counseling, couples hope to have healed emotional injuries to the relationship, clarified their desire to be together, or have decided to enter a separation process with the highest level of care and compassion.

Most importantly, the counselor’s role is not to decide if the couple should stay together but is to help the couple achieve the highest level of healing possible, so they can determine if they would like to stay together or separate.

Whether you are newlyweds or have been married for decades, marriage counseling can be for people in any phase of their relationship.

The most common presenting complaints for marriage counseling are the following:

• Communication difficulty
• Inability to resolve conflict
• Intimacy difficulties and disconnection
• Feelings of detachment
• Deep sense of hurt from a specific event
• Deep sense of hurt from numerous nonspecific events
• Infidelity or boundary crossing
• Phase of life distress
• Repetitive arguments about parenting, finances, in-laws, work and life balance

Many traditional approaches to couples counseling help couples have more controlled discussions, speak with less inflammatory language, and challenge places where they may have been thinking “irrationally.” While this approach may seem like an obvious place to start, Dr. Sue Johnson’s outcome research finds that a large percentage of couples do not benefit from these interventions, up to 60%.

Emotionally Focused Therapy is different in that it does not focus specifically on irrational thoughts and communication but instead is focused on adult attachment and bonding. Many high functioning couples do not have intrinsic communication problems or difficulty resolving conflict in other areas in their life. Therefore, it is not a helpful solution to “teach” couples how to communicate when they already have these skills.

Instead, it is important to better understand what is actually getting in the way of these highly developed skills from being utilized at the moment, and Emotionally Focused Therapy does just this. When a couple is able to understand and heal the hurt and disconnection that is getting in the way of them connecting and communicating, they are able to maintain their growth outside of therapy and have the skills to rebuild when hurt happens again in the future.

Short-term counseling is generally considered to be around 12 sessions, and most marriage counseling runs somewhere between 12 and 24. Couples often notice something shifting earlier than that, frequently within the first month, because simply having a structured place to say the difficult things changes the dynamic before any technique does.

What lengthens the work is usually how long the distress went unaddressed. Dr. John Gottman’s research found couples are typically unhappy for around six years before seeking help, and six years of accumulated resentment takes time to work through. That is an argument for starting sooner, not for despairing if you did not.

This is common and it is not a dead end. One partner can start alone, and useful work can be done that way, including on how you are approaching the relationship and what you want from it.

Sometimes the reluctant partner joins later, once counseling has stopped being an abstract threat and become something their spouse simply does on Tuesdays. Sometimes they do not, and individual work is still worth having. What does not tend to help is one partner pressuring the other into the room, because counseling requires some willingness to be there. Come on your own and start from where things actually are.

Some psychologists and therapists charge more for a session of couples counseling than for individual counseling. At BPC, each clinician has their own rate for a counseling session and the cost for an individual or a couples counseling session is the same rate.

If cost is the thing standing in the way, say so on the call and we will tell you honestly what your options are. Call (480) 999-7070 and we will give you the current rate before you book anything.

Our office is out-of-network, so we do not accept insurance directly. However, if your insurance plan offers out-of-network benefits, we can provide you with a receipt so that you can bill your insurance directly.

Depending on the individual insurance plan, many will be reimbursed for a percentage of their payment. To determine if you have out-of-network mental health coverage, contact your insurance and ask about whether your plan includes out-of-network mental health coverage. Feel free to contact our office with any questions at (480) 999-7070.

A marriage counselor gives the two of you a structured place to say the difficult things, with someone in the room whose job is to slow the exchange down enough that each of you can actually hear the other. That sounds modest and it is usually the thing that has been missing.

Beyond that, the work is specific. We identify the cycle the two of you get caught in, name what each of you is protecting, and rebuild the connection underneath the arguments rather than refereeing the arguments themselves. Our clinical psychologists, marriage and family therapists and counselors bring the best of their education, experience and professional knowledge to that work, and they will tell you honestly what they think is possible.

We see Scottsdale couples in person at our office near Biltmore Fashion Park and online throughout Arizona. Call (480) 999-7070 for a free 10-minute consultation.

Our office is in Phoenix at 6245 N 24th Parkway, near 24th Street and Camelback beside Biltmore Fashion Park, about 20 minutes from Old Town Scottsdale on Camelback Road. We have served the Scottsdale area since 2012, and we also offer online sessions to any Arizona resident.

Yes. Online sessions are available to any Arizona resident, and partners can join from separate locations when work makes that necessary. For a great many Scottsdale couples this is the difference between weekly consistency and cancelling every other session. You can also alternate between online and in person. Call (480) 999-7070 to arrange it.