Going through a miscarriage can be incredibly difficult. On top of that, no two people grieve the same way about a miscarriage or losing a child. It can cause some stress on a relationship when you are both grieving in separate ways, while still trying to support one another.
What is a Miscarriage?
According to The Mayo Clinic, a miscarriage is defined as the spontaneous loss of a pregnancy before the 20th week. The statistics show that anywhere from 15-25% of pregnancies will end in miscarriage . Even though a miscarriage can be a common occurrence, but that still doesn’t make it easier to handle.
Recognizing Grief After a Miscarriage.
There are a lot of emotions after the loss of a pregnancy. Sometimes it might not be obvious that what you are feeling is all part of the normal grieving process.
You might be feeling sad, exhausted, angry, and hopeless if you were the one carrying the baby. And if you are the partner, you might be feeling the same but also feeling a little uncertain of how to support your partner.
Most often the woman carrying the child blames herself. That is a hard cross to bear given that generally, miscarriages are outside of one’s control.
In our latest YouTube video, Dr. Melissa Estavillo talks about how the husband or partner might have a feeling of hopelessness when trying to support a partner who blames herself. When you feel like you “don’t know how to fix it”, it can be difficult to maintain a close relationship during this trying time and can sometimes result in one spouse pulling away from the other.
Can Couples Counseling Help After a Miscarriage?
At Biltmore Psychology and Counseling, our psychologists and therapists strongly agree that couples counseling after a failed pregnancy can be very beneficial.
Dr. Estavillo believes being able to show that empathy and compassion is really the way to “fix” a struggling relationship after a miscarriage.
When both partners are able to engage and articulate what they are feeling and going through, it can give the other partner room to grow in their empathy which ultimately leads to connection and understanding of one another.
Will my relationship survive a miscarriage?
We truly believe that if you give you and your spouse the right support and resources in being able to handle your grief and loss, there is no reason why your relationship can’t come out even stronger after such tragedy.
Two people grieving the same thing often show their pain and sadness in many different ways. It can easy to let this divide you and your relationships. But figuring out exactly what you need, and being able to articulate what you need during this time, can help immensely while you lean on each other rather than giving each other space.
What can I do after a miscarriage to heal?
- Give yourself some time to heal. Make sure it is time for emotional healing as well as physical healing.
- Let yourself grieve the loss. This grief is just like any other grief of losing someone you love. It’s okay to take time out to focus on the process of grief. Reaching out to someone like a therapist or a psychologist can be very helpful in a time like this.
- Take care of yourself. Make sure you take it easy physically. Rest and give yourself a lot of nourishing foods to help the healing process.
- Get support. Support during this time might look different to everyone. Leaning on your partner can be comforting. Reaching out to family and friends is a good way to start. And as we’ve mentioned above, reaching out to a professional can be useful during this time as well.
- Remember your baby. If it feels right, do something to remember your baby by. Write them a letter, have a small gathering or light a candle.
Taking the time for yourself is important on many different levels. It can be beneficial to your emotional state after suffering from something like a miscarriage.
In our latest YouTube video, Dr. Melissa Estavillo talks openly about couples experiencing distress after a miscarriage. As a Licensed Psychologist, Dr. Estavillo sees many couples that have gone through infertility, as well as hardships such as infant loss and miscarriages.
Click the video below to hear about her insight into helping your spouse understand your miscarriage.
Watch The Video
1. (2019, July 27). Pregnancy and Miscarriage. Retrieved from https://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/pregnancy-miscarriage#1
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Dr. Melissa Estavillo is a Licensed Psychologist and founder of Biltmore Psychology and Counseling. With over 7 years of experience, she specializes in both individual and couples therapy in Phoenix and Scottsdale, AZ. She integrates complementary methodologies and techniques stemming from Emotionally Focused Theory, Psychodynamic Theory and Other Evidence Based Practices to offer a highly personalized approach tailored to each client.